Hypothermia and Consequences 

Yesterday I participated in a swimming race through the canals of Copenhagen. I was talking to my buddy online afterwards.

Dave
What are you up to?

Me
I have hypothermia! And jellyfish stings all over! I did a race in the CPH canals today, and it was a bit more of an … undertaking than I had expected

Dave
Jellyfish?!

Me
yeah they’re everywhere here!
fuckin ridiculous. I was literally the only one without a wetsuit.
The doctors practically had to pull me out of the water, and I sat 2 inches away from a heating unit for 30 minutes after the race, unable to move or speak

Dave
Well…

Me
You know that footage of the cow with mad cow disease, where it’s all popping and locking, but it doesn’t fall over? That was me walking to my towel.
I was drooling and moaning and shit. The doctors made me eat a banana, and I couldn’t taste or swallow it, I was just pushing it around with my tongue and making vowel sounds through it. Attractive stuff.

Dave
And jellyfish?!

Me
yeah my nose looks like a penis, all red and angry at the tip
I got one on my cheek, too, and both hands
This city’s uninhabitable, I tellya

Dave
Just the canals!

Me
it’s nuts, I don’t even remember the race.
I do know that I swallowed a lot of saltwater, though, my throat is all scratchy

Dave
I don’t think you won…

Me
I remember swimming through patches of motor oil and some little garbage-islands, I’m glad I retained that.
I swam WAY faster than I expected though! I wanted to get OUT of that water. Crawl stroke for 2km! Personal best!
Though, the rest of the afternoon has been a personal worst. I literally had peanut butter and whip cream on a fork for dinner because I can’t face leaving the house. 19 degrees outside feels like the tundra.

Dave
But you’ve swum in there before sans wetsuit?

Me
Yeah when the water’s been warmer. It was 16 degrees today. I’m used to like 18 or 19, plus only doing it for like 20 mins at a time. Today was more than 45 mins

Dave
Fail

Me
i feel like its hella win
I beat nature
The only one without a wetsuit! buncha pussies in this country

Dave
Riiight

Me
It’s funny how I totally thought there would be no consequences of this. I literally did not think it through at all. Like ‘of COURSE it’ll be fine swimming in urban canals in late summer with no protection. Having never done this before.’
People in the start line were like ‘you’re gonna get hypothermia dude’ and I was like ‘haha right. High five!’
The bike ride home was particularly drastic. My legs were still shaking, and I could barely steer

Dave
Will you be in bed all tomorrow?

Me
Still, I feel rather badass. In spite of cancelling all my non-couch Saturday plans due to my epic win.
haha, nah I’ll be fine after some sleep

And I am! The stings have faded from angry to irritable, and my muscles seem to work again. See you next year, jellyfish!

1 Comment

Filed under Denmark, Personal

One response to “Hypothermia and Consequences 

  1. Being new to Vox and curious of the writers here I have gone forth to read. I must say as the first posting of yours to have read you had both my attention and a fit of giggles from me the entire way through. You have my sympathy and I'm cheering at you from Canada, as you are one crazy individual who did win out against nature, or at least those blasted underwater mines (aka jelly fish) who were clearly planted there by other swimmers jealous that you were brave enough to not have a wet suit on.
    Thank you for the enjoyable read! 😀

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