Tag Archives: overheard

I had this exact conversation last week

From Overheard in the Office:

Coworker: So I told our new accountant what I needed, and he looks at me and says: "But this will take me all day." I told him: "It takes me all day to do my job too. Did you have other plans?"

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Leave a comment

Filed under Random

The entirety of my current feelings on politics, summed up in a conversation with a charity-mugger

From Overheard in New York:

Guy with clipboard: Hey there! Do you have a minute for gay rights?
Gay dude: Every minute of my life is for gay rights.
Guy with clipboard: Are you aware that there are people in Washington trying to take your rights away?
Gay dude: No shit! That's not news! Leave me alone!

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Leave a comment

Filed under Random

This comment pretty much sums up my entire generation

Last weekend me and a friend saw an epic indie band in a cellar-venue:

 

Me: How the hell do you dance to this music?

Friend: Like it hurts.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

1 Comment

Filed under Random

Overheard at the cafe where I dissertate every morning

[Soft Arabic music is playing. The waitress and the chef are shouting this conversation across the café at each other.]

 

Waitress: This music reminds me of the Olympics.

Chef: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Waitress: You know how they do the slow-motion dancing? This could go along with that.

Chef: I’ve never seen the Olympics.

Waitress: Your whole life, you’ve never seen the Olympics?

Chef: … You know what they should have? Midget Olympics. I’d watch that.

Waitress: Well, the wheelchair basketball is pretty much the same thing…

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

2 Comments

Filed under Random

If this doesn’t cure you of that pesky biological imperative, nothing will

Courtesy of Overheard in New York:

Little boy: It smells like an STD in here.
–E train

Father to three-year-old son: The ruler of the universe says to stop chattering.
–7th Ave, Park Slope

Scolding mother to little son as she yanks him along: You tryin' to be hip? You tryin' to be a hipster? Is that how they do it?
–Prospect Park

Mom to infant who keeps dropping his toy: Okay, let's try this — how 'bout I throw you on the ground?!
–13th & 5th

Mother to chatty child: Don't you have your pacifier? So pacify!
–Kingsborough Community College, Brooklyn

Father to small child: Is that from China? Get that out of your mouth!
–Long Beach, Long Island, New York

Mom to kids: What do you want for dinner? Burger King or Dunkin' Donuts?
–42nd St & Queens Blvd

Little girl pointing at black receptionist: Pocahontas!
–Dermatologist, UES

Nine-year-old boy: George Bush likes the Jews. That's why only Jews are allowed to hitchhike.
–Main St

Old man to two-year old: Man, talking to you is like fucking talking to a brick wall.
–F train

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Leave a comment

Filed under Random

Overheard in New York: Wednesday One-Liners

In a snapshot from the utter hollowness that is my existence, the best thing to happen to me this week was something I read on the internet: Check out these Wednsday One-Liners from Overheard in New York.

 

Thugged-out camp counselor: Twenty dollars to get in?! This place better have an open bar 'n' some shit!
–Bronx Zoo
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Metromosexual on cell: Lady-fag and Rainblow Brite are getting married.
–Bedford & 5th, Brooklyn
Man to woman: So, he told you he wasn't dating anybody, but he didn't tell you he was married?
–11th & Broadway
Black guy to friend: Man, what you gotta do is you gotta go down to the dog track and get it poppin' with those extreme titties!
Lady yuppie: I mean, at first I thought he was seriously psycho, but then I started to think, Maybe he's just being creative
–Outside NY Public Library
Doctor: I Google everything! I treat my patients with Google.
–Mt. Sinai School of Medicine, 98th & Madison
Girl on cell: What the fuck? I mean, if you want to say hi, just write it on my Facebook wall!
–116th & Broadway

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Leave a comment

Filed under Random

I can die happy and complete

I'm a runner-up on Overheard in New York's headline contest! We made it, Ma! We made it!

OK, so I don't actually win anything from this contest. Being smarmily anti-Semitic on the internets is its own reward, I guess. This is the first thing I've won since the 8th grade yearbook named me 'Most Romantic', though, and this one wasn't a sublimated expression of my homosexuality. So there.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Leave a comment

Filed under Random

Overheard at the urinal

Ventured out to see Taxi Taxi last night, and discovered on arrival that it was Free Beer Night at Rust. Does this have something to do with The Ascension? Have any other deities been sucked up into the sky? Can their memories also be commemorated with free sin, please? Anyway, the show was great, but the highlight may have been this moment:

Man alone at urinal-trough: Det er lækkert, det der! Sådan!

I have no idea how to translate that to English, so I'm not gonna bother. . .

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Leave a comment

Filed under Random

…a Website I love and hate equally

As lame as I am to do this again, Overheard in New York's Wednesday One-Liners are rapidly becoming the staring-at-a-screen highlight of my week. Here's a smattering from today's batch:

Hipster: When I was little and went to Sunday school my teacher told us we all have a little piece of God inside of us, and I thought, I hope I have his thumb.
–4th & Bowery

Guy on cell: Oh my god, you are so interesting. Someday our bodies will connect like God intended — in anal poundage.
–Soho

Hipster: Have you ever seen a fat girl in spandex on weed?
–Union Square

Professor: … And all of this relates to Freud's concept of the super Eggo.
–St. John's University

Dude to chick: On a scale from one to cookie… you're a seven.
–Central Park

Black teen to his friends: Yo, I read the Bible nine times, and that shit contradicted itself like a motherfucker!
–Broadway & Steinway, Astoria

Woman on cell: He told me it wasn't good for the diges– uh… digesticle.
–49th & 11th

Girl: I am dating two different guys with kids and no one will take me to see Harry Potter. Now that's fucked up.
–Eatery, 9th Avenue

Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!
–Bathroom, John Jay College

Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!
–Bathroom, Fordham Law School

Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!
–Library Bathroom, Fordham University

I like the last three because they have a theme, see?

And this is from the 'classics' section


Girl #1: So when was your first kiss?
Girl #2: My 17th birthday.
Girl #1: How about your first time making out?
Girl #2: Also my 17th birthday.
Girl #1: …first blowjob?
Girl #2: This is awkward. 17th birthday, again.
Girl #1: How about when you lost your virginity?
Girl #2: 17th.
Girl #1: How about the first time you –
Girl #2: I know what you're about to ask, and the answer is "my 17th birthday" again.
Girl #1: God damn! What the hell did you do for your 18th birthday?
–R train

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

1 Comment

Filed under Random

Overheard at work

There was a seminar on Hitler's legacy in the conference room next to my office today.

[after one hour of subdued murmuring]

American accent: Respect my authoritah!

[laughter and applause]

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Leave a comment

Filed under Random