Monthly Archives: August 2008

Base instincts

From the Economist this week:

There is a genuine chance that, even after almost eight years of George Bush’s calamitous presidency, the voters may actually opt for another stint of Republican administration. In part this reflects the weaknesses that lie alongside the charismatic skills paraded by Mr Obama in Denver this week: his inexperience, especially in foreign affairs, at a time when the world looks more and more complex and troubling, and a certain cerebral aloofness that seems to make it hard for him to connect with Middle America.

Obama has a 'cerebral aloofness'? That's clearly Economese for 'intelligence'. When did America become a country where being smarter than you is a disqualification for office? This Obama knucklehead better be smarter than me, dammit, and I sure hope he's smarter than the McRibs in the square states.

I've been trying to shush the Snob Devil on my shoulder this campaign, but it's disheartening to see two grown men pander to the spectres and scapegoats of idiots for so long.

One of the major missed opportunities of the post-primary months, from my stink-cheese-munching vantage point, has been the refusal of both candidates to elevate their base, rather than pander to it.

It would have been great if John McCain had said 'Look, you have to pick one of us. We both believe in evolution. We both believe that waging a War on Terrorism is like waging a war on sports, or cursive handwriting. Gas prices are not going to go down. Europe is our friend. Muslims are not scary, only their wedding parties are. People in cities have problems too. Mexicans didn't take your job, GM took your job. Oh, and someone saying 'happy holidays' on the Macy's intercom does not mean that there's a 'war on Christmas'. Fuck.

'The previous facts are the retardation-baseline for this particular election. We invite you to join the rest of the educated world and debate how we are going to solve our actual problems. Or, you could just write in Romney.'

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Fall’s coming

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Denmark in a nutshell

Me: Have you noticed that everyone is wearing helmets on their bikes all of a sudden?

Danish coworker: Especially in Østerbro [the yuppie neighborhood where we reluctantly live]

Me: I keep thinking I need to start wearing one.

Danish coworker: Yeah, I’m to the point where I wish they would just make it illegal not to wear one, so I would have to.

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100 days til the election

And I still haven't seen the headline "McCain: Able?" anywhere. What are we, above Bible-murder-puns now?

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Eat me

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I had this exact conversation last week

From Overheard in the Office:

Coworker: So I told our new accountant what I needed, and he looks at me and says: "But this will take me all day." I told him: "It takes me all day to do my job too. Did you have other plans?"

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Olympic athletes: Going for the gold in bearding

Yes, it is thunderous bullshit that NBC whitewashed dive-dude’s boyfriend out of their coverage. Resolved.

 

But I couldn’t help but notice this paragraph in the same post

 

According to OutSports.com, of the 10,708 athletes at the Olympics this year, just 10 have identified themselves publicly as being gay. Of the 10, Australian diver Matthew Mitcham is the only male gay athlete.

 

10 gay athletes? In a competition that not only includes male diving but women’s baseball? And, for that matter, France 

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My French friend left Denmark forever

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Home: Sick

Note to journalism: When trying to convey the tragedy of a young person's sexual exploitation, it's probably best not to insert incredible hilarity into the top half of your story.

 

A former youth minister was sentenced this afternoon to 120 days in the Manatee County jail and two years of probation for secretly videotaping girls as they undressed in his homes in Bradenton and Ellenton over a two-year period.

 

 Matthew Porter, 31, was found guilty of nine counts of voyeurism, a misdemeanor. He had admitted to hiding video cameras in his bathroom and bedroom and taping girls between the ages of 12 and 16 changing clothes. Porter was a pastor at Bethel Baptist Church in Bradenton.

 

“It has hurt her very bad,” said the mother of one girl. “I saw that she posted on her MySpace page she would never trust a pastor again.”

 

No offense, but ell-oh-ell, seriously.

 

The only actual news contained in this story is:

 

1. Parents now check their children’s social-networking pages for news of their post-violation moods (‘What emoticon are you right now, Jessica!?') and

 

2. There are still people who trust youth pastors.

 

Via 

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Should the drinking age in the United States be lowered to 18?

A group of university and college presidents in California and across the country this week pushed for a national debate over whether the drinking age should be lowered from 21 to 18.

The current limit ignores the reality of drinking during college years and drives it underground, making binge drinking more dangerous and students less likely to seek help in an emergency, according to a petition signed by more than 100 campus presidents. Though they don't call for an outright age rollback, the campus chiefs said they support "an informed and dispassionate public debate over the effects of the 21-year-old drinking age."

Their statement provoked some controversy as critics contend that a lower drinking age will cause an increase in drunk driving deaths.
Of stupid course it should be reduced to 18. Not because it will reduce binge drinking (it probably won't), or keep drinking from being 'underground' (um, OK), but because it's fun. Eighteen is the age when you don't have to get permission for that anymore.
 
If you really want to reduce drunk driving, make the drinking age 35. Or make alcohol illegal. Or make cabs free after 10 pm. Or a million other things that are objectiely less retarded than banning Friday Night Awesome for every citizen's final fun-surplus years. After 21, it's not long before we sag into our cubicle-shaped hamster wheels, staring into the 'Return of the Jedi' mouth-monster of one weekend per seven days, two weeks vacation per year until retirement. At least acknowledge our right to a few headaches and regrets before you attach the harness to the treadmill. 

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