Daily Archives: April 30, 2008

When did I start communicating exclusively in clichés?

So I was biking home in tailwind yesterday, pedaling like I had Attention Deficit Hamster Disorder and generally behaving like a human spinnaker.

 

At a red light, the beSpandexed guy next to me, in a good-natured way, said something along the lines of ‘You're very aggressive’ or ‘You take this very serious'. It’s hard to understand Danish through panting.

 

Without thinking, I replied, ‘you sound like my ex-wife.’

 

We shared an athletic little laugh with each other as the light turned green, then continued berating the bike lane and dinging pedestrians out of the way.

 

As soon as I got home, all I could think was "‘You sound like my ex-wife’?! Where the hell did that come from?"

 

Last week at a party, I was talking to some dude about fatherhood (this happens a lot here), and he asked if I had kids. I heard myself say ‘Not that I know of!’ before squinting at my own douchebaggery and apologizing.

 

What am I, on the links at the country club? Why does all my snappy banter come from ‘80s movies and my dad’s Garrison Keillor tapes we used to listen to on road trips?

 

I know I’ve only been out of official student-dom for three days now, but I thought it would take me at least slightly longer to become Bill Murray from ‘Rushmore’. I feel like I have to develop a taste for things like whisky and tweed now.

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