Daily Archives: April 16, 2008

Remember those kids that used to come to your door with candy bars & magazine subscriptions?

Apparently it's all part of a child labor scam, and it's totally illegal, and sketchy, and untaxed, and just Naples as fuck.

I was reading a report on child labour in the U.S. today (Yes, I'm writing a human rights risk assessment of my own country. I'm a traitorous, homosexual Merkel-hugger. Deal with it.) and there's a whole warning website (called 'Sweatshop on the Streets') about those kids. 

The Child Labor Coalition estimates that as many as 50,000 children work as youth peddlers on any given day of the year. They sell magazine subscriptions, candy, and other consumer items door-to-door in residential neighborhoods and on city street corners. The CLC estimates that this industry makes as much as $1 billion annually in untaxed sales revenue.

I had no idea.

It's all coming together now. It was always the ghettoest kids that came to my house with the cardboard box full of candy, and the recipient charity always had a not-quite-right quality about it, like those Nikes you buy off a street-blanket. 

It was always doubly awkward for me, since a lot of times the Pol Pot Youth standing on my porch in a polo shirt went to my school, and had been bullying me just hours before. I usually took advantage of the slight home-team advantage to say something like, 'No I don't want to buy a Snickers, Trevor. Maybe I should call your boss and tell him that you spent second-recess throwing lunch trays at me like Frisbees.' This unfailingly resulted in combat escalation the next day, and I eventually started peephole-screening visitors after 6.

Anyway, thank you, Child Labor Coalition, for making me feel a little less guilty about saving my smug, teenage 35 cents. Maybe now I can find something to exonerate my family of giving trick-or-treaters handfuls of pennies instead of candy… 

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