Monthly Archives: May 2007

Burying my Yankee head in the Euro sand

One of the best things about living in the nether regions of a small, non-English-speaking country is that everything I consume is entirely by choice. I watch the American TV shows I like online. Our water-cooler chitchat usually consists of things like Burma, or how the Radical Left party has fucked over Iraqi refugees this week. I never see movie advertisements, so every time I go to Blockbuster it's like Christmas morning (Why is Will Ferrell wearing a NASCAR outfit? They made a sequel to 'Underworld'? What the hell is 'Saw 7'?). I had no idea that acts like Hot Chip and Amy Winehouse were on the radio until about a week ago.

American culture is much more charming when you can buy/rent/download the good stuff and just disregard everything else like it's a fucking Viagra e-mail. Over the course of 18 months, I've managed to ruthlessly form no opinion whatsoever on the following things:

  • American Idol (seriously, I don't even know who won it last year or semester or whatever)
  • Roughly 12 Nicholas Cage movies, all of which appear to have the same scowly poster
  • March Madness, the Superbowl, The World Series (baseball and poker)
  • The entire (red) campaign
  • 'Surviving Dancing With Big Brother' or whatever is on reality TV these days.
  • Donald Trump, I. Lewis Libby, Fall Out Boy, Alberto Gonzales, Jennifer Hudson, Akon, and at least 7 of the roughly 54 presidential candidates
  • The entire phenomenon of 'The Secret'
  • The Oscars, The Grammys, The Tonys, The Emmys
  • A Romanian orphanage worth of celebrity babies

Now if only I could get that Goddamn 'Rehab' song out of my head, I'd be set…

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How European politicians out-asshole the American ones

MP Quits Party Amidst Nazi Allegations

A leading Danish People's Party MP has resigned from the party over allegations he sang Nazi songs and gave a Nazi salute

That's the headline in the Copenhagen Post this morning. For those of you who aren't familiar with the 'V for Vendetta' stylings of the Danish People's Party, think of them as Scandinavia's answer to Jerry Falwell, only without the Christianity or the obesity. They hate more or less everything, especially immigrants (i.e. me), homosexuals (me again), the poor (yup), and dark-skinned people of all nationalities (well, I get pretty tan in the summer). Just to be clear, this isn't some fringe, wacko sect. This is one of the largest political parties in Denmark, and has the deciding vote on seemingly every issue here, from immigration policy to the Gay Pride parade route.

As repugnant as America's ultra right-wing politicians are, Europe's are a whole different caliber of shitty. Check this dude out:

Morten Messerschmidt, the Danish People's Party's European issues spokesperson, quit the party on Sunday after reports that he sang Nazi songs and gave a straight-armed salute at festivities marking the season opening of Tivoli Gardens.

First of all, yes, I live in a country where people have last names like Messerschmidt. And no, that will never stop being funny. His middle name is probably 'von Luftballoon' or something.

The accusations [...] were made by an unnamed source, who alleged that Messerschmidt was drunk when the incident occurred. In addition, [...] Messerschmidt had been involved in another incident at a city bar, where he told others present to 'Heil correctly' and called a Liberal Party member a 'corrupt nigger'

In my humble homeland, people get fired over saying shit like 'nappy headed hos' and 'macaca', two racial slurs that you have to think about before being offended by. 'Corrupt nigger' is on a whooooole different level, and it's amazing that Herr Rammstein or whatever still has any job, much less one in the government.

Messerschmidt himself admitted he was 'extremely intoxicated' and said he could not remember much of the evening.

Ahh, the old Mel Gibson defense: "I don't even remember what I said. I was ruined."

I love this excuse because it only works on people who have never actually been drunk before. Like they're supposed to say "ohhhhhh, you were drunk. So that's why you sang Nazi songs from memory. And called people the N-word. You were possessed by that magical amber elixir I've seen on MTV reality programs. Thank God you cleared that up."

We've all said ridiculous shit when we're around free booze. I've got prejudices, too, and anyone who has ever asked me how I feel about male models or graduate students in economics knows it can get pretty ugly. But it's still me. It's not like I just start spouting shit about Fijians, or the Kurds, or other groups I have no sober opinion on.


Messerschmidt's behaviour represented yet another incident in a wave of public image troubles for the Danish People's Party. He, along with MP Søren Krarup and MEP Mogens Camre, were all given reprimands by party leader Pia Kjærsgaard last week over their comments concerning Muslim women's wearing of headscarves.

 

Krarup also said that homosexuals were handicapped.

Handicapped with awesomeness, motherfucker. Take that back.

The 'comment concerning headscarves' was Krarup's charming quip last week that wearing a headscarf in public is the same as wearing a swastika. In case anyone in the party has forgotten what one looks like, don't worry, 'Schmidt-head probably has one tattooed somewhere.

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