I'm in serious awe of the Roskilde Festival lineup this year. I was already 8th-grade-girl excited, but they just announced 100 more bands yesterday, and now it's getting ridiculous. There hasn't been this much good music in one place since I made mixtapes for my Civic. Check it:
Arcade Fire: Even their sophomore slump is better than like 90 percent of the albums clogging up iTunes
Arctic Monkeys: I don't even like or care about this band, but I'll mention them just to make people jealous
Basement Jaxx: Hey, Americans. You know that throbby shit with empowered female vocalists you hear coming from convertibles in gay neighborhoods? That's this band. It's acceptable for heterosexuals to enjoy this kind of music on more historical continents, and I'm looking forward to seeing my breeder brethren sing along.
Beastie Boys: I'm only going if they promise to do 'Brass Monkey'.
Beirut: This is more or less all we listened to on the Italy trip last year, so hearing it at Roskilde is just going to make me think of hot sun, salty sea, and scorching heartburn.
Bjork: I only make music with grunting and whisper
Camera Obscura: Haven't heard of their songs, but they're constantly compared to other bands I like. Bring it on.
Clipse: Am I the only one who feels really over rap music? Nonetheless, I might go to this one just to watch the Danes squinting at all the slang.
Dizzee Rascal: The man who blessed the world with the line "Guilty, betrayed so innocently / Us natives act immigrantly."
Dune: Four uncomfortably good-looking 17-year-olds from the Danish peninsula. Or possibly The Shire.
Exposions in the Sky: 12-minute long, wordless drum-and-guitar mope ballads. I'm gonna bring a crepe.
Grizzly Bear: So last time I saw this band I ended up talking with them afterwards, and it turns out the bassist is from seriously like half a mile away from me in Seattle. Him: "Yeah, I'm from Everett, around 160th St." Me: "I used to go to your Taco Bell!"
The Killers: Did you know the lead singer's Mormon? I'm checking for long johns…
Klaxons: Another overhyped British band, but whatever. One of them is probably porking Kate Moss (or will be by July), and might have some good between-song anecdotes.
LCD Soundsystem: Yes! Festival's quota of meta: Fulfilled! I imagine the stage setup for this will just be the band in between two giant pairs of ironic quotation-marks.
Machine Head: Why God invented the devil-hand-symbol.
Matmos: Two French dudes who produced a Bjork album. I'm gonna need drugs for this one.
Mika: Juuuuuust in case Basement Jaxx wasn't gay enough.
Moi Caprice: The Danishest band ever. Has anyone even heard of these dudes outside of Scandinavia?
My Chemical Romance: I think I've seen this band before. There was an afternoon at a music festival about two years ago. That much I know is true. However, a Jeep, half a bottle of vodka, and a beer garden have Eternal Sunshined away any other memories of that day.
The National: They're from Portland, but I tell everyone they're a Seattle band. Gotta represent Cascadia.
Peter Bjorn & John: Why is every good band from Sweden nowadays? And no, it doesn't make up for Abba.
Queens of the Stone Age: Dave Grohl's modern-day Wings.
Red Hot Chili Peppers: I'm having more and more trouble caring about this band. As Brock put it, "Fuck their new album. It's just gonna be more songs about California." I'll still go, though, if only to see how far away you have to be before you can't see Anthony Kiedis's creepy veins.
Speaker Bite Me: I've never even heard of this band. I just want to convince Laust to go.
Taxi Taxi!: Two 15-year-old Swedish chicks with harps and piano. I saw them play a few weeks ago in Copenhagen, and it was unexpectedly awesome. I have a feeling the audience for them at Roskilde is going to be like 75 percent trenchcoat, though.
Tiesto: You know that song 'Sandstorm' that drove you crazy like five years ago? Well, he didn't do it, but if he could've, he would've.
Trentemoller: The famousest Dane since Hans Christian Anderson and that Bond villian.
The Whitest Boy Alive: I'm trusting Dan's judgment here.
Wilco: The soundtrack to every Clinton-era indie kid's unrequited love. The audience for this is gonna be a bunch of skinny Danish guys crying and carving 'Susan!' into their arms with housekeys.
The Who: It's gonna be weird seeing a troupe of half-mummified Brits singing 'teenage wasteland!' but whatever. This at least gives me an excuse to say "That pinball wizard has such a supple wrist!" all weekend.
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